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Posts Tagged ‘friends

Learn to date before you start to relate

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Seriously, people have you realized how many couples actually skip the dating process? They go from friends to a relationship before you can even wiggle your nose like Samantha in Bewitched!! A lot of couples skip dating because they don’t know how. Because they are afraid. Afraid of what, you say! They are afraid that during the dating process they will screw up somehow and be less likely to end up in a relationship with whomever it is they won’t to be in a relationship with. Trust me, I know. I dated a girl for 2.5 weeks and kind of forced her into a relationship with me. We didn’t skip dating, but we didn’t date long enough. It was a very big decision for her to make. It took her about an hour to decide if she was ready for a relationship. She eventually said yes! The relationship went well for about a month 😦 . Dating should last anywhere from a month to 3 months. What I’m trying to say is dating gives you a chance to really get to know the other person. It gives you a chance to figure out who they really are because most people put on a false persona in the beginning of dating and relationships. My advice is to completely be yourself when dating…..let the flaws show and let your strengths glow. I’m sure everyone has seen Hitch. Kevin James character showed all his flaws in the beginning of the dating process and his date “Alexa” accepted him because he was truly being himself and she didn’t have a problem with his flaws (They actually had a couple in common). But this article isn’t about flaws, it’s about learning how to date so you won’t skip this fun and interesting phase in the future.

Again, most people don’t know how to date. So have a seat, grab a drink (non-alcoholic, lol), a snack, put your thinking cap on, take notes if you need to and let’s learn to date!!!

First of all, a real date is not a chat date, phone date, email date, or webcam date. A real date is face to face contact. Physical contact, not sexual, but actually being able to touch your date. You can’t hold a monitors hand or kiss a phone good night (none of that soulja boy kiss me thru the phone stuff, lol). When in the presence of your date he or she can observe your behavior, enjoy your personality, etc… This type of contact gives you a feel for who the other person is offline or off the phone. Also, body language says a lot. A person’s appearance can tell you a little bit about there hygiene, style, fashion, etc… Meeting each other in person is the most important part of dating.

Now that you have met face to face, you now need to go out. Where do you go??? A good date spot is a location where the two of you can talk and get to know each other better. Also, you can spice it up with a little bit of fun, no one wants to go on a boring date.  Here are a couple of suggestions bowling alley, billiards, mini golf, park (walk and talk or picnic), dinner (but no movie, not on the first date), coffee shop, random wacky fun never hurts (for example, crazy shops, hip and funky parts of town, etc…) and arcades (but guys don’t leave your date for Street fighter, lol). The #1 rule is to make sure the date only consists of you and your date. Group dates and double dates tend to throw off the vibe between you and your date because you might show off, not be yourself, act different with other people being around and also when a woman is on a one-on-one date she tends to feel more comfortable about truly being and expressing herself.

We are finally at the date location. What’s next??? How about a little conversation! Let’s talk about what to talk about. Open ended questions are the best way to go. These types of questions help you read your date’s personality and it makes a conversation last longer. If you asked all closed ended questions then you might run out of questions before you even get your dinner or get halfway through the park then you get this awkward silence!! Let me help you get started, here are some good questions, but first NEVER ASK about past relationships on the first date and don’t ask what are you looking for because honestly we don’t know what we are looking for, we have a blueprint on paper but no construction. We date to figure out what qualities we like in a person. This is a reason people skip dating now because they think this friend or random person has what they are looking for and jump into a relationship. But don’t get me wrong, many people do ask that question because it’s 2nd nature like blinking your eyes (I’ve done it plenty of times, still do it now, it’s a hard habit to drop, lol). Also, looking for and want are 2 different things don’t mix them up (Be sure to go see The Ugly Truth in theaters July 24th).  These questions should help get the party started ( I mean conversation started, lol); What do you like to do during your spare time? Where are you from? What kind of music do you listen to? What are your goals/dreams?……I can keep going on and on, but this should help break the ice.

You’ve been dating for about 2 or 3 weeks and it’s about that time. No, not time to propose, but to maybe meet some of your date’s friends and family. Friends always have opinions that scare you and family can be intimidating, but they can provide some truth. Family influences a person’s character. Observe how they interact together. Friends can show you your date’s appreciation level and provide more insight to their true personality. Most of the time if you can’t stand your date’s friends then the two of you probably won’t be dating for long.

The final step of dating before you decide if a relationship is worth it…………coming soon to a theater near you. Just joking, lol. You must have faith and trust your instincts!! If your intuition tells you don’t start a relationship with this person for various reasons then DON’T!! Go with your gut feeling, don’t let the butterflies in your stomach force you into an unwanted relationship!

Now that we have covered “How to date 101”, put your new found knowledge to test. Please put on your gown and throw up your caps!!! Congratulations, you are ready to date before you start to relate!!

Written by Teen Wolf

July 7, 2009 at 1:16 am

Can we connect and not feel disconnected afterwards???

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Q: Can sex make things complicated???

A: You can bet your virginity that it will…..YES, but at the same time NO in some cases it just depends. I am here to write about why it causes things to be complicated between you and whomever you had sex with.

Because sex sells, we see it everyday!! That’s why it is such a common factor in a wide spectrum of relationships. For example, dating, friends with benefits, one night stands, sex in committed relationship, sex in open relationships, marriages with sex, open marriages with sex, and any variation of the above.

So everyone wants to know WHY?? Have you ever thought about what is involved in the whole sexual process?? Well, here is a list and I’m sure I will forget some stuff, so forgive me for that.

Emotions, Location, Seeing each other nude, Satisfaction, Experience, Before and After thoughts, Before and After events, Feelings, Insecurities, Sex drives, Preferences, State of the relationship, What type of Relationship, Sexual Past, The Sexual Process itself, etc…

Emotions, there isn’t much to explain about them. There are a wide range of emotions that you could have been displayed during the act or after the act. Insecurities with seeing each other naked. You might be wondering is my body satisfying or did it disappoint. Maybe, wondering if he/she is discussing my body with others. Satisfaction, was the sex satisfying. Am I good in bed? Experience because maybe you are a virgin and the other person isn’t…..there are various scenarios for this case. Thoughts before and after sex are self-explanatory. Now, the events before and after are not self-explanatory. Did you drink before, fight/argue before, etc…. Did you cuddle afterward, leave one another, etc… When you consider feelings, did you feel loved, weird, uncomfortable etc… You can be insecure about your performance, stamina, body, etc… Sex drive can play a major role because what if one person wants it more than the other or if one person wants it back to back. Preference can make things complicated because you may not agree on positions, location, toys, etc… The state of the relationship, for example, are y’all getting along good, fighting all the time, etc… I already mentioned type of relationships above. Sexual past is important because how many partners did you have, any STDs, kids, did you have safe sex, etc… And of course, last but not least, the actual sexual process itself which sort of ties in with a lot of the above reasons for complications. For example, were you respectful, dirty, bad at it,……I could go on and on, but you get the point.

I hope this answers all the questions about why sex makes things complicated. Now, don’t get me wrong….I am not saying don’t have sex…..please do, but think about what you are getting into. Also, like I said above…..it doesn’t always make things complicated.

Written by Teen Wolf

June 28, 2009 at 12:43 am

We’ve all had one or have one…….a “CRUSH”

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Crush: A crush is a person you simply like, but wouldn’t risk everything for. A person you just dream about being with like the most hottest girl/guy in school, celebrity, or whatever. A crush mostly developes from being physicaly attracted to a person. That’s most cases of crushes. Or sometimes it could just be this person who you really like a lot but then comes another and you no longer like that person, but the other.

Crush: A crush is a word used to describe special feelings you have for another person, a classmate, or friend that you really like.

Crush: A crush is a person who makes your heart beat faster, and you can’t breath around them, and never talk to them because you like them, your not in love with them, but you could be if they felt the same way.

Crushes are perfectly natural. You admire them, dream about them, feel happy when you see them and gloomy in their absence. Guys usually develop a crush before women as males have a higher sexual attraction level than females.

I thought this was a summary from deepdevotions.com; Crushes are top-heavy. Some people will say that the problem with crushes is that they aren’t real. Actually, the problem is that crushes are too real—too real for the relationship. You have so much emotion (love, desire, and longing) that the small amount of relationship you do have with your crush can’t stand the weight of it.

I think all these definitions describe a crush from a different point of view. All of them are right in some aspect. It seems like I have always had a crush on someone. I still remember my high school senior year crush. I have a crush on a good friend of mine now. Their is something odd about having a crush because no matter how much you fantasize about being with that person, you almost never inform that person how you feel about them. You know why??? One word….REJECTION!!! No one wants to get rejected by someone they are physically attracted to and think so much about. I was talking with another good friend of mine last night at Starbucks and we both have crushes on someone. She won’t tell her guy and I won’t tell my girl. It’s weird because we both talked for about 15 minutes each about why we have a crush. She doesn’t want to tell her guy she has a crush because she wants to hear it from him first and I won’t tell my girl that I have a crush on her because I don’t want to be rejected or jeopardize our friendship.

I felt the need to write about this because I just finished watching He’s Just Not That Into You. Great movie. But love, dating and friendships is something we deal with everyday. I feel that we shouldn’t let the people we have “more than friends” feelings for getaway. I don’t have the answers to how to deal with this but hopefully we can conquer our fears and speak up to the ones we have this Lil Bow Wow puppy love for. In my whole life, I’ve only told one girl that I actually had a crush on her……..it didn’t go well at all :(. Of course, there are millions of girls out there, but getting rejected by your crush is different than getting rejected by some random girl. A “Crujection” (crush rejection) hurts and ruins what you ever had with that person before you spilled the beans. Most real crushes are on a friend, someone you’ve known for a while, someone you spend a lot of time with, someone who is in your presence a lot, etc…. Celebrity crushes don’t count everyone has those and believe me I have a lot (for ex. Megan Fox, Taraji P. Henson, Kristen Stewart, Kerry Washington, etc…). You never get to tell those people how you feel and 99.9% they don’t even know you exist.  I guess what I am getting at is……be honest with yourself, believe and hope for the best……..communicate how you feel, but don’t come on too strong, take it slowly, get to know your crush more before you confess (I have been trying to do that lately), etc…

We can do this people because we all have had a crush or have one now!!!!

Written by Teen Wolf

June 25, 2009 at 5:43 am

Transition from Lover to Friend

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I don’t know where to start. I remember when my ex laid those words on me……I felt like she just grabbed a samurai sword and stuck it in my heart. She was cutting herself out of my heart. It was difficult to deal with. I was saying to myself “how can I be her friend, this won’t work at all, maybe I should never talk to her again”. Well it actually worked out ok……although I don’t know how I would handle seeing her with another guy…..Thank goodness that time hasn’t come yet!!

But I’m not here to discuss that transition from lover to friend. I’m actually here to fill you in on my most recent transition and try to provide some tips for dealing with it. Ok I was recently dating this girl I knew from way back. Things were going good and then after about a month of dating she hit me with the “Transition”!!! Maybe we should just be friends…..I was like WTF!!! Well that was just the beginning of the “Transition” because we went back and forth as lovers and friends for about another 2 weeks!! Finally, that was the end of the rocking chair phase. Friends is all it was going to be or there would be nothing at all. So I took the friend ticket. But unfortunately in my case she still wanted to go to the clubs with me on the weekends. So like a dummy, I brought her along one Friday night. The early part of the night was cool, but after the drinks hit me I thought to myself “I’m single and I can do whatever I want”!!! Since I happen to be a dancer I then made my way to the dance floor to dance with some hotties that had the eyes for me all night!!! To my surprise, I turn my head and I see my “friend” storming out the door in anger. I chased after her like a dog chasing a ball. Of course, she was upset that I was dancing with other women, but I as I remember it was her idea to make the “Transition”!! She eventually calmed down and we left the club. Exactly, one week later we are back in the exact same situation, but this time the roles are reversed!! I was cool with being her friend……,but I couldn’t handle seeing her mingling and dancing with this one guy all night. So again we left the club. I dropped her off and felt that maybe we should take a break and not go out with each other for a while. Great Idea!!

Well, last night was the first night we went out again as strictly friends….the “Transition” had finally been put in place. It was a great night. She didn’t mind me talking to other girls and I didn’t  mind her talking to other guys. And when someone asked if we were a couple…….we both replied “Just Friends”!

The moral of the story is that a “Transition” from lover to friend is hard. Give it sometime to set in. Don’t hang out immediately. Be aware that things will be different, be prepared for the newcomers, etc…. Remember that you are single and free to mingle with whomever you want but be respectful in her presence. I had to blog about this because it took me about 3 weeks to cope with this and I wanna help others progress faster.

Written by Teen Wolf

June 18, 2009 at 4:59 pm