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Posts Tagged ‘relationship

Men and the L word have more in common than you think!

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This morning while jogging with my friend….hold on, let me rephrase that “while walking with my friend” this morning we were discussing relationships and dating like we always do. While she was talking, of course I was listening, but at the same time I was trying to think about what would be my next blog entry. I knew I wanted to write another dating/relationship post, but had no clue what it would be about. There is so much that I could write about and then not too long ago it hit me like a Frisbee in the park. Why do men fall in love so quick and why they fall in love faster than women. Never really knew myself why men fall in love so quick, but I did do my research. However, I always knew men fall in love faster than women. I learned this in my Psychology of Genders course while getting my B.S. in Psychology. You might find this hard to believe, but my professor’s personal opinion for this is that men are more afraid of being alone than women. Personally, I believe I fell in love with my ex before she fell in love with me. To be honest I don’t even know if she ever fell in love with me. I guess if she did then she probably wouldn’t have broke up with me. Anyways, back to the topic. I just want to inform men and woman about why these things happen.

Lets answer some lovely questions about men and love.

Why do men fall in love at a rapid pace?

We go through a  simple process that takes affect as soon as we start dating a woman. First of all, we can fall in love immediately. When you hear the words “love at first sight” it is actually pertaining to men because men do this more frequently than women. Men decisions when it comes to women are basically decided off of visual cues. Next, we look for something unique and special about women. For example, the way you talk, laugh, think, personality or your passion for life.  Then we convince ourselves that we are happier and more complete with you in our life.

Why do men fall in love faster than women?

Us, men fall in love quicker than women because it’s about what we see (visual from the last explanation) and how she makes us feel right away. Once again, it’s about how women look, how women makes us feel, how a woman laughs, standout qualities in her personality, etc… Also, women are more willing to express their emotions which allow men to get to know woman better and quicker. On the other hand, men are less expressive so it takes women longer to get to know us and fall in love with us.

I hope this answers all the questions about men and falling in love. I kept it brief for a reason because if I go into more detail then it would make it easier for women to control and manipulate us. Sorry ladies not today. But at least you know why we fall in love. And guys, when the 3 signs of the first question are recognizable in you then it means you are in………LOVE!!!

Written by Teen Wolf

July 12, 2009 at 4:35 am

Learn to date before you start to relate

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Seriously, people have you realized how many couples actually skip the dating process? They go from friends to a relationship before you can even wiggle your nose like Samantha in Bewitched!! A lot of couples skip dating because they don’t know how. Because they are afraid. Afraid of what, you say! They are afraid that during the dating process they will screw up somehow and be less likely to end up in a relationship with whomever it is they won’t to be in a relationship with. Trust me, I know. I dated a girl for 2.5 weeks and kind of forced her into a relationship with me. We didn’t skip dating, but we didn’t date long enough. It was a very big decision for her to make. It took her about an hour to decide if she was ready for a relationship. She eventually said yes! The relationship went well for about a month 😦 . Dating should last anywhere from a month to 3 months. What I’m trying to say is dating gives you a chance to really get to know the other person. It gives you a chance to figure out who they really are because most people put on a false persona in the beginning of dating and relationships. My advice is to completely be yourself when dating…..let the flaws show and let your strengths glow. I’m sure everyone has seen Hitch. Kevin James character showed all his flaws in the beginning of the dating process and his date “Alexa” accepted him because he was truly being himself and she didn’t have a problem with his flaws (They actually had a couple in common). But this article isn’t about flaws, it’s about learning how to date so you won’t skip this fun and interesting phase in the future.

Again, most people don’t know how to date. So have a seat, grab a drink (non-alcoholic, lol), a snack, put your thinking cap on, take notes if you need to and let’s learn to date!!!

First of all, a real date is not a chat date, phone date, email date, or webcam date. A real date is face to face contact. Physical contact, not sexual, but actually being able to touch your date. You can’t hold a monitors hand or kiss a phone good night (none of that soulja boy kiss me thru the phone stuff, lol). When in the presence of your date he or she can observe your behavior, enjoy your personality, etc… This type of contact gives you a feel for who the other person is offline or off the phone. Also, body language says a lot. A person’s appearance can tell you a little bit about there hygiene, style, fashion, etc… Meeting each other in person is the most important part of dating.

Now that you have met face to face, you now need to go out. Where do you go??? A good date spot is a location where the two of you can talk and get to know each other better. Also, you can spice it up with a little bit of fun, no one wants to go on a boring date.  Here are a couple of suggestions bowling alley, billiards, mini golf, park (walk and talk or picnic), dinner (but no movie, not on the first date), coffee shop, random wacky fun never hurts (for example, crazy shops, hip and funky parts of town, etc…) and arcades (but guys don’t leave your date for Street fighter, lol). The #1 rule is to make sure the date only consists of you and your date. Group dates and double dates tend to throw off the vibe between you and your date because you might show off, not be yourself, act different with other people being around and also when a woman is on a one-on-one date she tends to feel more comfortable about truly being and expressing herself.

We are finally at the date location. What’s next??? How about a little conversation! Let’s talk about what to talk about. Open ended questions are the best way to go. These types of questions help you read your date’s personality and it makes a conversation last longer. If you asked all closed ended questions then you might run out of questions before you even get your dinner or get halfway through the park then you get this awkward silence!! Let me help you get started, here are some good questions, but first NEVER ASK about past relationships on the first date and don’t ask what are you looking for because honestly we don’t know what we are looking for, we have a blueprint on paper but no construction. We date to figure out what qualities we like in a person. This is a reason people skip dating now because they think this friend or random person has what they are looking for and jump into a relationship. But don’t get me wrong, many people do ask that question because it’s 2nd nature like blinking your eyes (I’ve done it plenty of times, still do it now, it’s a hard habit to drop, lol). Also, looking for and want are 2 different things don’t mix them up (Be sure to go see The Ugly Truth in theaters July 24th).  These questions should help get the party started ( I mean conversation started, lol); What do you like to do during your spare time? Where are you from? What kind of music do you listen to? What are your goals/dreams?……I can keep going on and on, but this should help break the ice.

You’ve been dating for about 2 or 3 weeks and it’s about that time. No, not time to propose, but to maybe meet some of your date’s friends and family. Friends always have opinions that scare you and family can be intimidating, but they can provide some truth. Family influences a person’s character. Observe how they interact together. Friends can show you your date’s appreciation level and provide more insight to their true personality. Most of the time if you can’t stand your date’s friends then the two of you probably won’t be dating for long.

The final step of dating before you decide if a relationship is worth it…………coming soon to a theater near you. Just joking, lol. You must have faith and trust your instincts!! If your intuition tells you don’t start a relationship with this person for various reasons then DON’T!! Go with your gut feeling, don’t let the butterflies in your stomach force you into an unwanted relationship!

Now that we have covered “How to date 101”, put your new found knowledge to test. Please put on your gown and throw up your caps!!! Congratulations, you are ready to date before you start to relate!!

Written by Teen Wolf

July 7, 2009 at 1:16 am

Transition from Lover to Friend

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I don’t know where to start. I remember when my ex laid those words on me……I felt like she just grabbed a samurai sword and stuck it in my heart. She was cutting herself out of my heart. It was difficult to deal with. I was saying to myself “how can I be her friend, this won’t work at all, maybe I should never talk to her again”. Well it actually worked out ok……although I don’t know how I would handle seeing her with another guy…..Thank goodness that time hasn’t come yet!!

But I’m not here to discuss that transition from lover to friend. I’m actually here to fill you in on my most recent transition and try to provide some tips for dealing with it. Ok I was recently dating this girl I knew from way back. Things were going good and then after about a month of dating she hit me with the “Transition”!!! Maybe we should just be friends…..I was like WTF!!! Well that was just the beginning of the “Transition” because we went back and forth as lovers and friends for about another 2 weeks!! Finally, that was the end of the rocking chair phase. Friends is all it was going to be or there would be nothing at all. So I took the friend ticket. But unfortunately in my case she still wanted to go to the clubs with me on the weekends. So like a dummy, I brought her along one Friday night. The early part of the night was cool, but after the drinks hit me I thought to myself “I’m single and I can do whatever I want”!!! Since I happen to be a dancer I then made my way to the dance floor to dance with some hotties that had the eyes for me all night!!! To my surprise, I turn my head and I see my “friend” storming out the door in anger. I chased after her like a dog chasing a ball. Of course, she was upset that I was dancing with other women, but I as I remember it was her idea to make the “Transition”!! She eventually calmed down and we left the club. Exactly, one week later we are back in the exact same situation, but this time the roles are reversed!! I was cool with being her friend……,but I couldn’t handle seeing her mingling and dancing with this one guy all night. So again we left the club. I dropped her off and felt that maybe we should take a break and not go out with each other for a while. Great Idea!!

Well, last night was the first night we went out again as strictly friends….the “Transition” had finally been put in place. It was a great night. She didn’t mind me talking to other girls and I didn’t  mind her talking to other guys. And when someone asked if we were a couple…….we both replied “Just Friends”!

The moral of the story is that a “Transition” from lover to friend is hard. Give it sometime to set in. Don’t hang out immediately. Be aware that things will be different, be prepared for the newcomers, etc…. Remember that you are single and free to mingle with whomever you want but be respectful in her presence. I had to blog about this because it took me about 3 weeks to cope with this and I wanna help others progress faster.

Written by Teen Wolf

June 18, 2009 at 4:59 pm